060716 – on an island

It’s half past seven and the next event on the schedule – is sunset. It should be round twenty two hundred.
I’m on an island in the Baltic sea and weather here is a bit wilder than on the dry land. Refreshing and sometimes chilly wind, sea – colder and skies – wider.
Visiting my friend Marin whom I know for more than 6 years – we met at a Swedish language course in a strange place not far from G�teborg in Sweden.
Was sitting on a porch and reading a book with 100 million readers. Still the same – about love, freedom and aloneness.
Finally, at the third day of my short holidays in Estonia, I feel content, happy and enjoy the very moment I am in.
It’s a very pleasant feeling to observe the things I read in the book on myself. There is an enormous gap between love and addiction. I’m feeling the first, and in a pleasant and pure form.
Were picking berries in the woods – the blueberries. For a very short time, because I just become anxious of the fact, that I eat them faster than I can pick them.
Lately I have been realizing an issue many people I believe might have – ability or disability enjoying the moment they are at – not worrying uselessly about future and past. I have been thinking lately, that because of a manner of my treatment, I can’t live my life fully – as I was doing before I found out about my illness. In fact, I realise more and more, that obstacles should not hinder in anyway me or anyone else to live life at its maximum. There are always problems and always there can be found something that could be used as a excuse of not doing something.
Feels, that finally I can enjoy the fact that I’m here and I have to leave tomorrow. Though of course im so happy that I did not have to leave today as a normal working person, because I maybe would not have reached the stage I’m at now. I will see if I can skip work also day after tomorrow, except for the fact that I’m too lazy to take the buss thus if I will be able, I will use a hospitality of Marin brother’s guests who might bring me to Tallinn.
About not being able to be right here right now. Its hard at first, especially when you have strong feelings towards someone, who is not with you. First days very frequently my mind was focused on the fact, that we are not together. I was thinking how is she doing, how is she feeling, has she understood me right, when I tried to convey my thoughts and feelings, etc. Only after some time mind calms down and I become calm and assured – not worrying about what I can not influence, believing that the other person is having the best time and doing the things are best for him/her and enjoying the moment I am encountering.
But now – no thoughts anymore and I have to watch the clouds go bye and maybe do something for my work.
Ciao.

Filed under: ceļā / travel, dzīve / life, leikēmija / leukemia , leikēmija / leukemia