060624 – atst�st�jums [�empions boks�]

Kaut kas noticis. Kaut kas pat�kams. Rota��s un sp�l�s ieg�t� aizmirst�ba un prieks, kuru nesp�j aiz�not pat zaud�jumi, kuri skaitliski iev�rojami p�rsp�j uzvaras.

Tie l�go l�go sv�tki. Bija un pag�ja. Citi gaid�ja saull�ktu, da�i labu miegu nov�rt�ja k� kaut ko pievilc�g�ku.

N�kam� r�ta sporta spartaki�de atsauca atmi�� b�rnu dien�s piedz�voto. Un starp nu jau pieaugu�ajiem bija ar� pamatskolas p�rst�vji, kuri v�l spilgt�k atsauca atmi�� person�gos p�rdz�vojumus nu jau pirms daudziem gadiem. T�da pat�kama melanholija un prieks par pla�a profila sp�j�m vis�du bumbu�u virz��an� v�lamaj� trajektorij�.

Ceturtdien bija pl�ns doties emigr�cij� uz Igauniju, lai apk�rt�j� vide nepastiprin�tu papardes zieda mekl��anas fundament�lo neiesp�jam�bu monog�mijas nep�rvaram�s barjeras iespaid�. Pirmssv�tku dien� paveicu p�ris birokr�tiska tipa darbus, kas saist�ti ar pap�ru k�rto�anu un iesp�jams nodro�in�s pat�kamu devu komforta, kaut kad tuv�kaj� n�kotn�. Nesp�ju to paveikt vair�k k� gada laik�, pat nevaru saprast k�d�� – laikam t�ds glob�la rakstura slinkums. �o lietder�go aktivit��u iespaid� tika nokav�ti autobusi 14 un 15.30 uz eesti zemi, tika nolemts doties uz lielisko lauku m�ju ciemos pie k�das laipnas namam�tes, bet iesaist�to pu�u emocion�lo un praktisko fron�u kol�zijas d��, tika �is pl�ns atcelts un atkal ce�ojums uz igau�u zemi guva virsroku. �tra mantu ievieto�ana pauni�� un teci�us uz tramvaja pieturu, kur� n�c�s pavad�t iesp�jams tikai k�das 10 min�tes, bet mitruma daudzums, kas tika uz�emts lietus l��u veid� p�rsp�ja du�as iedarb�bu un autoost� ierad�mies man�mi mitri. Diem��l, autobus� vietas nebija un latvju zemes lauki atkal ��ma virsroku un p�c �sas atgrie�an�s m�j�s, du�as un datoriz�t�s piez�mju gr�matas ievieto�anas pauni�� vilciens 21.18 m�s l�n�m atr�va no r�gas asfalta sk�vieniem.

Ar diviem pieg�jieniem noskat�jos filmu zazie dans le metro. Sire�ls 60. gadu kinomotogr�fa �edevrs. Protams, mums, k� samait�tajai jaunatnei, daudz aizraujo��ks ��ita ar vardarb�bu un perversij�m p�rbl�v�tais mistera ozona darbs “sitcom”. Tad v�l pilnmetr��as filma par mildas ce�ojumiem apk�rt pasaulei, kura jau ar pusi sava garuma nodro�in�ja mums gandar�jumu atliku�ajai dz�vei.

Un laikam v�l dz�v� nebiju sask�ries ar �aha fizisko slodzi tik izteikti, k� �ovakar, kad zviedru �aha laik� n�c�s diezgan iesv�st un vismaz divas stundas pag�ja nemanot. Playing love. Ir t�ds ska�darbs no filmas the legend of 1900… komponists – morricone.

Run�joties ar manu igau�u draudzeni, kurai statistiski ir krietni dr�m�kas izredzes uzlabot savu vesel�bas st�vokli, sal�dzinot ar mani, n�c�s apjaust, ka ��s bonif�cija br�vdienas laikam jau tom�r tuvojas to lo�iskajam fin�lam, un da�iem b�s j�iet uz skolu, bet man j�dodas veidot m�ksl�gais aids man� organism�. Un kaut k� nemaz t� �sti tas nenom�c. Iesp�jams, ka izvairos no nepat�kam�m saj�t�m, bet kaut k� ��iet, ka tom�r esmu laim�gs un nekas cits vairs nav svar�gs (t� ka t� nepat�kami un ilgsto�i nom�ktu), ja sird� m�jo m�lest�ba.

Grib�tos reiz ieg�t m�jvietu kaut kur laukos, kur nevar redz�t kaimi�us, kur saulriets un migla ir ikdienas sast�vda�a, kur putni un v�j� ir mani tuv�kie kaimi�i.

R�tdien jau b�s sv�tdiena, kuras tuvo�an�s aizdom�g� k�rt� jau mazliet satrauc, jo pirmdien b�s j�dodas uz “k�rortu” ieliet v�n�s mazliet dz�v�bas eliks�ru ar uzrakstu “poison” uz t� iepakojuma.

Ak, j�, j�rmal� tom�r ir baigi for�i. Tur var, at��ir�b� no lauku s�tas, kas ieskauta ar me�iem, redz�t horizontu liel� daudzum�. Toties, laukos �denskr�tuv�s �dens ir daudz silt�ks, k� j�ras pied�v�taj� komplekt�. Lai ar� �rsti ieteica uz j�rmalu nebraukt, dom�ju, ka saules blo���anas kr�mi komplekt� ar �nas gl�bi�u, p�rv�rta potenci�l�s briesmas par kaut ko pat�kamu gan miesai, gan dv�selei. Un nebiju iedom�jies, ka TO, kas sag�d� tik daudz prieka, labsaj�tas un ekst�zes, var dar�t ar� tik publisk� viet� j�rmal�, tik publisk� laik�. Khmmmm…love sees no colour.

Dom stajit, svet garit,
Iz akna vidna dalj…
Tak at kuda vzjalasj… pechal

I vrodji zhiv i zdarov,
I vrodji zhitj nje tuzhitj
Tak at kuda vzjalasj… pechal

T�da skaista “kino” dziesma…

Filed under: Bez kategorijas , leikēmija / leukemia

060615 – right=wrong? [blah blah]

You make me feel like no-one else, I gotta stick with you.

Recently I have been facing some aspects of a social life, which have slipped by me till now.
First bonuses to doctors and other professionals, or otherwise called bribes.
Second groups of people with some kind of a common ground values, beliefs, professional interests, friendship etc.
Third a mixture of the two mentioned above.

Due to a fact that recently I have been facing the medical system pretty often, I have noticed that some people feel obliged or just out of pleasure give cash or other gifts to doctors and medical personnel. This I believe is done because of some reasons I can imagine and maybe there are some that I can not think of. The ones that come into my mind are a wish to have a better treatment, to help doctors to exist, because of an image that they are underpaid by state hospitals or other organizations, to have a priority in getting medical help or a place in a hospital, to thank a doctor for a great success in treatment.

Also I have noticed that among my friends and acquaintances there are some who have given cash to policemen to avoid being penalized for their violation of driving rules.

Somehow I feel that I am a bit idealistic, but anyway I believe that there is a society possible where a decent amount of fairness and equality could exist.

I understand that this whole world is some kind of a game and there are many ways how to play it. I believe that one of the reasons why social systems and countries with their structures have erupted is a need for some kind of security and certainty. To know, that in case you are in trouble, you can get a certain amount of help from state authorities. In case you are ill, you are to be helped by medical personnel in a professional and prompt manner. The same, and sometimes even more emotional, this help is to be available to your family, relatives and friends.
Also, I believe that most of us want to have some kind of a security on the roads and in the neighborhood we live. We would not want ourselves or some of our close ones be killed by a drunk driver or one who is speeding and can not control his car.

A more subtle process is one that is called friendship/acquaintanceship/connections.If you have the right connections, you can get much more than being a loner. If you have the right connections, you can get a better job; you can get your documents processed faster through bureaucracy, can get a better treatment at a state hospital or make a better business deal.
Part of it is fine with me… as I mentioned we live in a society and its totally natural to have friends and to help first the ones you care about more and to prefer to work with your friends. What worries me is the line that can be stepped over…when rights of equality are endangered by connections and friendship.
In a field of money matters and business its kind of neutral (at least looking at it directly and not making any connections with other spheres)…so what if someone working for the state, informs his friends that there is a great piece of land available, before it is made public? Someone earns money and thats that the only loss to me or you is that you did not get thatchance to get some cash.

But when you think of medicine it kind of becomes a bit more sensitive… most of us, out of some unknown reasons, value health and life much more. What if I or someone close to me gets sick? If we are wealthy enough what would we do? We go to private clinics and get the best doctors and treatment possible. Its like going to a shop everyone can go there and buy what they want…(of course, if we have become wealthy because of connections and some shady deals, it gets a bit complicated not everyone can go to a shop and buy, because they havent had a fair chanceto earn enough money. Fairness is far too complicated to be even discussed.)
So back to the point… if we do not hold enough cash, but we have some or we have friends working at a state hospital? The most natural thing would be calling some of your connections and get the best and the fastest treatment possible for you, your brother, son or mom, right? The instinct to survive and evolution has taught us that the strongest survives and thus as we have better connections or more cash, we in a way are stronger than the ones who do not… thus we should survive, cause we are smarter, we do socialize better, we are a more important and vital part of society than those who havent managed to play this game well enough. The weakest link must be eliminated.

Same about driving rules… we, of course, are the ones who have good cars, we know how to drive and those rules out there are for the awkward ones who cant control their cars, thus its fine if we do violate them a bit and no harm is done and police personnel also gets some cash. Everyone is happy, right?

But what if one day, there are many of those who have more connections, more cash than us, to pass us by, to give more to doctors and to have even a higher priority then we just had? What then? What if then, me who has been cured recently with a help of my and friends connections, gets in a bigger trouble. Then there would beno chance to get some kind of a fair handling or treatment, because there would be enough of the ones who need it more. What if at that previous trouble I could have survived with the normal procedure and order of treatment, and now I also would suffice with the help that is to be provided by a law? Only this time, due to my indirect encouragement, the ones below me, have understood that they need more connections or cash and have managed to get more of it than I. The only solution is to always try to be on the top and to be tougher, to have more and better connections and to get more and more cash. Sounds like a pretty addictive game. I would want to live in a society where some kind of set of rules is to be observed, because there are much more pleasant things than getting profit out of every thing you do, and its kind of pleasant to have some guaranties of security.

And about driving… how would I feel when a member of my family or my girlfriend would be hit by a driver who had been speeding often, but would have escaped punishment due to some cash gifts to policemen or good connections? I wouldhave been indirectly encouraging the system of selective violation of rules in exchange for cash? It means that basically I would have taken part in this accident.

Somehow I just dont like a possibility of such an advancement structure. Ive never felt like giving cash to a policeman, neither to a doctor or a clerk. I prefer to play a fair game, waiting for my turn and paying my fine, knowing that others would do the same. I prefer that in case one of my loved ones gets in trouble and Im not there to help them, would get help that is required, and I would not have to be worried about someone with a special permission to violate laws hurting my loved ones. Would you?

One more interesting thing is that for me there have been some presents/cash given to doctors. I dont know how I feel about it.

Filed under: Bez kategorijas , leikēmija / leukemia

060612 – for the bored ones

Wanna have some action in life? … try to get in a situation of a lover in love [could a lover not be in love? in my understanding, a term lover implies passion and a physical atraction...but not by default - love]. Then… dig that and I promise, won’t be bored for a long time;)

Otherwise… its been too long time to remember things that have been happening in my life;]

Lets move backwards.
Today – first day at the hospital when i had chemo poured into me in a room with 2 other people – it’s called – ambulatoriski… sucks, when you want to use a bathroom, but there is none in a radius of 50 meters and you know that if you would want to use it, the needle would be taken out of the vein and then again stuck in afterwards… i did prefer the pleasure of waiting. I must say – pain is not my hobby.

Transplantation is postponed till at least July 3rd due to no beds and no medicaments available.
I’ve moved to my new apartment, finally. No kitchen yet, thus only private visits are encouraged at this time. When the kitchen will be installed I might organize a more public event, upon request of potential visitors. Was yesterday to look at the beauty�i.e. tha kitchen� I’m a bit fetishist, must admit.
There are some good features in this flat – a lovely interior, a great & big bath – the first one in my lifetime, where I can submerge completely. The rest is kind of bad – stinking stairway, possibility to hear an interesting collection of music from neighbors, foot steps of the living above, waterfall effects due to a too little isolation of sewerage pipes, worse view, etc.

Have been having difficulties to work efficiently due to an extensive program of entertainment and private affairs.

And luckily summer is here and as I’m taking care of my dog for a couple of days [that involves walks 3 times a day], I can enjoy the nice weather and I even did sit on the grass and watched the clouds go bye.

In a nutshell – I’m happy.

Gotta run to play snooker.

Filed under: Bez kategorijas , leikēmija / leukemia